Rebirth through reckless abandon

[thedoldrummajor]

A lot of the people I know, myself included, seem to be tormented by this idea of self. Who they are, who they should be, who they want to be but can't escape from who they are to become it.

There was a period of my life, from about 11 years old to 17, where I was fascinated with being someone else. Not a picturesque, air-brushed version of me. Just someone different. Someone who told people to shut the fuck up about his dreams, who did not apologize for being louder than a whisper, and wasn't so obsessed with scraping off just enough weirdness to fade into the beige and greys of Normal.

There's something so seductive about the idea of self-destruction because it's control. I'll drink until I sweat liquor and smoke until my lungs bleed, if I want to. Because I can, and you can't stop me.

I think I figured out the secret though, so listen close. You can kill yourself any time you want. Literally, of course, but metaphysically too. You owe no one this version of yourself, or any future versions of yourself either. The concept of phases and permanent traits are bullshit, because the only permanent thing about you is that you'll always be changing anyway. It's like clouds in the sky. It always looks like clouds, it's always the sky, but there will never be the same configuration of clouds in the sky again. Every passing second has its own unique sky, that hasn't been seen before and will never been seen again.

That's you. You're the sky.

My point is, it's pointless, right? Who gives a fuck. Reconstruct your entire identity. Right now. The worst thing that will happen is you don't like it, and then you can just do it again.

The best part of this process, of killing your old self to make room for the new one, is that it takes time. You can ease in as slowly, or barrel through as quickly, as you want. I'm marinating in a cocoon of myself right now. In about six months I'll figure out whether or not I like the out come. My only regret will be not having done it sooner.

-DM

Comments

Being No One

[summer_wind]

Philosopher David Hume thought similarly. There's no real constant "self," we're a never ending Ship of Theseus as our perceptions and states of consciousness change. Also, haven't read the book on it myself, but you might like Being No One by Thomas Metzinger. Maybe. Seems the book involves quite a bit of neuroscience, but his theory is basically the same, and he proves his theory scientifically. Not always required in philosophy, but I appreciate the effort.
Love Ya, DM

Re: Being No One

[thedoldrummajor]

Thanks for the recommendation, summer! I'll have to see if the library has that one, and revisit Hume's work.