(no subject)

[thedoldrummajor]

Being home is driving me insane.

Work is literally torturous. All I do for 5-8 hours 5 days out of the week is walk around in circles, regurgitate the same three sentences, and listen to the same top 40 list from 2001. I hate it so much. Every shift I feel my mental health deteriorate just a little more. Because this doesn't matter. None of these people will remember me. I'm not human to them and they aren't human to me. They may as well be a hive mind and they're just as non-existent as I am. They too regurgitate the same words over and over, sometimes in a different order.

The money is nice to have, but it's just barely worth the feeling of slowly having my soul extracted via bloodletting. I can't make any art because whenever I'm not at work I'm trying to mentally recover from being there and I'm losing my mind. I'm being suffocated. When I'm not pacing around at work I'm trapped in my house because there's nothing to fucking do in this town. There's not even a condemable walmart parking lot for me to commit vandalism in.

Only two more weeks to go. I repeat the mantra constantly and it makes my mouth taste like blood. How did I live like this for a year? How did I live like this for more than a few hours?